I seem to have left my pride at pride
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
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