She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
