dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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