My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I have surprise drugs for everyone
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
