I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
