I smell stomach acid.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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