he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
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