He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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