Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
