I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
