I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
