that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
