This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Less talking, more tequila
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
