I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Dear god my vagina.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
