I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Use "feeling words"
Yay
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
