It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Randomize
