how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
