I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
