Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
false alarm. still invincible.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
