I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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