so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
