it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize