she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
