dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
