M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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