i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
