when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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