wake up i wanna do it froggy style
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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