I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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