If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
