bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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