Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I am never drinking with the goths again.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
