with your own penis?
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
