found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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