My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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