i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You are the jesus of drinking
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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