That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
