Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
