i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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