yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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