I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
