i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
