Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
