I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
