My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
