his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
two words: eviction party
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
