Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
