I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
