nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
