I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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