do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
We are all done wearing pants today
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
