I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
you didnt know i had herpes?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
