we have pet lesbian snakes
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
