but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
