Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
