We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I want her autograph on my taint
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
