walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Randomize