so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
