She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
