His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
