Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
