I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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