I have demons in me.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
