She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
